A sequel to this post: My Life is Over!
I wrote the "My Life is Over" post, over two years ago, when I felt like I'd made a very stupid mistake. Clearly my life didn't end two years ago. But now the same "My Life is Over" feeling has descended on me. Maybe my fears will come true this time.
Alas, I am a stupid fool, I know it. I do so many stupid things, I buy so much stupid sh*t I don't need, sh*t I really really want at the time of buying, but give it a little time and it's all forgotten about.
I wish I wasn't a stupid fool, but I'm weak, I have little self-control. But I am harmless, I have never harmed anyone in my life and I never would.
- Q: Could buying the wrong stuff on the internet lead to bad, life over, consequences?
- A: Yes, absolutely. It is possible to buy illegal stuff on the internet (illegal in your country but not where purchased - you might be thinking, if it is illegal why doesn't our government block these sites that sell illegal stuff, or do they want to catch people!? Is it entrapment!?). Perhaps you don't see any harm doing it, and maybe there is no harm in doing it, which might make you think it is fine, and really it should be fine by the no harm principle. But we live in a world where your life can effectively be ended by the authorities, not for harming anyone, not for doing any real crime which has a victim, but for simply doing what they say is wrong.
I'm a great believer that you cannot police people's fantasies. Fantasies - what people do in their own mind - are totally personal to the individual. What you do in your mind is no one's business. People should be punished when they do wrong in the real world, when they harm people, when they create victims. People should not be punished for thought crime.
As long as it stays in your own head, it is fine by me. And 99.9% (probably higher) of people 100% know the difference between fantasy and reality. They have their fantasies. And then they have real life. The two are totally separate.
I may have spent my life feeling like I am a bad person because of my thoughts/fantasies. But I realize these thoughts/fantasies are nothing to be ashamed of, they are your world, your personal thing. You cannot be a bad person because you think bad thoughts, or have bad fantasies (everyone does). It is what you do in the real world that dictates if you are bad or not. You are only a bad person if you harm people in real life.
The 'Do No Harm' principle is the abiding principle which all the people of the world should abide to.
The ‘Do No Harm’ principle: So simple? So easy to misunderstand! > Oxford Global Society (oxgs.org)
- Q: Is my life over now?
- A: Yes, potentially that is so, but it isn't over yet so I should stop worrying about it. It happens when it happens.
- Q: Have you ever harmed anyone in your life?
- A: No. I'm not a "bad" person as such. I do not want to harm anyone ever. I believe in peace, love and respect.
- Q: If my life is over, how do I feel?
- A: Honestly, I've struggled my whole life with "what is the point of it all (life)?". And reached the realization long ago, it is all so so pointless. We put one foot in front of the next, we go on, we survive. I would like a finality, a point in time where I could have tidied up all my affairs (not leave behind mess for others to clean-up) and exit this life without a trace of my ever having been here.
- And I always think, I'm so lucky to have lived as long as I have. So many very good people, much better than me, have died so much younger. Every day longer I live is lucky. And every day is equally as pointless as the last. I go through the motions. I don't know why I go through the motions. And it could all be ended any moment and those motions we all think are so important, become nothingness.