As I go through life, I've learnt you need to be a little selfish. But, can you be too selfish!?
It is not selfish to want peace. And part of the reason I keep myself to myself, is I like the peace. This is part of the reason I do not commit to people. Being with people does not bring me peace, it brings stress.
I have a wife (long story), so this complicates things. And I think to myself "I do not need a wife." There are so many unhappy marriages. Often very rich couples are like this, together more because of the exorbitant cost of divorce for the man, and the desire to be looked after forever for the wife, than anything else. Fortunately my marriage is not like that. I could pretty easily finish it - we live 1000s of miles apart - she lives in another country.
Same girlfriend for maybe 13 years now. Same wife for 3 years. And I don't need her at all. So why do I keep it going!?
I think it is due to reaching my max-selfishness level. I'm not selfish enough to dump her. So we play the game. I do care about her, beyond that, I'm not sure about my feelings. It definitely does not feel like love and sexual desire is very low to non-existent (wasn't always that way, she used to be 40 odd kilograms, now she's closer to 60 kg, a 50% weight increase!)
I'm visiting her in a month and I'm not sure of my feelings. If she did not exist, I'm pretty sure I would not miss her. It is complicated by her having daughters (in their twenties now,) both who I like very much, especially one of them (these are silly thoughts though ... my favourite of the daughters is never going to be my girlfriend!)
Maybe I need to be more selfish, think about doing what's right for me more. Finish the relationship and have peace. Or I need something else!?
If you feel good in yourself, it is nice to do unselfish things. Being selfless can be pleasurable (and selfish too 😂. The 10 days holiday in Thailand will be very pleasant.
~~~~~
Top 5 Reasons Why Being Selfish is Good for You
"Think of selfishness as being aware of the need to take care of yourself. The best analogy out there is to think of the flight attendant’s instructions in case of an emergency on the plane. “Put your oxygen mask on before you assist others.” Because, if you can’t breathe and function, you’ll be of no use to anyone else."
"That is what I mean by selfishness. Taking care of yourself and making sure you are OK before you try to help others. It is an ongoing process of making sure you are tending to your own self-care on a daily basis so you can be of service to others and perform at your best."