Quote: “You don’t have to go on.”
Question: Is it really worth going on?
Answer: Not really! That’s why we do!
Strange that I would bring up this subject on an Easter
Monday public holiday. But it has been gnawing away at me, and I feel I must
confront it.
I honestly think my life is incredibly silly. I am an
employee. Doing the 9 to 5 (usually longer) for 5 days a week. I feel like I am
going nowhere, it is just day after day, doing a job that I don’t really care
about. It’s not like I’m even particularly excited about one day retiring, no I
am not, I think retirement will be incredibly boring, and really it is just
preparing for death.
There are things I enjoy in life, but the enjoyment seems
fleeting. I love driving my car. I enjoy running (I don’t love it because I
seem to keep doing in my Achilles.) I enjoy listening to music. I enjoy
listening to Alan Watts on YouTube. I enjoy watching some YouTube videos. I
love my soft toys. I love my wife. But all these things, only give very short-lived enjoyment
and then I am back to drudgery and depression.
My vocation is a good one. I am very lucky and very grateful
to have the job I have. It simply doesn’t nourish my soul enough for it to make
life going on. If you’re an employee most of your life is working, and if your
work doesn’t nourish your soul, you will feel like something is missing in
life. Alas, I don't have any great idea of what to do to sustain myself if I just gave up my work.
Now, am I missing the whole point of life? Am I failing
to dance/sing whilst the music is being played? Am I failing to live in the
eternal now and grasping at stuff? Do I need to let go? Or is it simply that I
don’t value life enough? What is wrong with me?
Well. I simply don’t know what is wrong with me. And yes,
I don’t think life is worth going on with, but at the same time it isn’t much
of a pain to keep on going. So, I’ll keep on going!
I don’t care about my work. I don’t care about being
sacked/made redundant. I would welcome such a thing. By letting go of this caring
about work (clinging) I actually become a better employee. Life is silly. Life
isn’t serious. Everything is equally a waste of time. So might as well just get on with some of this
silly work. Better to keep myself occupied with silly work, than listen to my
silly thoughts!
I will go on because it is the silly thing to do. The
funny thing to do. Especially coming from an attitude of knowing it is all so
very silly and unserious, it’s all a waste of time. Really it's all a big joke on those that aren't in the know, because they think it is all so serious, think it is all so important, think it actually matters, think there is a goal to it, but there isn't, it's just a game, and they shouldn't take life seriously.
Life is so, so, boring; dreams and fantasies are much
more interesting. Is your real life the life in your dreams/fantasy? What would your dream life be? Would it be the life you have now?
“If I were to be totally sincere. I would say that I
do not know why I live and why I do not stop living. The answer probably lies
in the irrational character of life which maintains itself without reason.” -
Emil Cioran
